One year ago today I woke up in an uncomfortable detox unit bed in a drug rehab facility.
One year ago today I had just finished going through heroin withdrawals.
One year ago today I sat on the hallway floor rocking back and forth, begging to go home.
One year ago today my parents picked me up and I sat silently in the backseat, feeling more embarrassed and ashamed than I ever had in my entire life.
One year ago today I couldn’t bring myself to look my little sisters in the eyes.
One year ago today I laid in my bed wondering how my life had gotten to this point.
One year ago today I thought my entire life was over.
Today I woke up in my own bed and the first thing I saw was the ultrasound of the precious life inside me (oh yeah, I’m having a baby!). I got ready in my sweatpants with draw-strings (if you’ve ever been an addict/been to rehab, it’s kind of a big deal to have clothing with draw-strings). I drove two hours to visit with my sweet friend, the friend who visited me in rehab and has held me accountable (whether I liked it or not), the friend who pours into me the most and who today said yes to being my baby’s God-mother. I left with a full heart and went to Fairfax Hospital, the same rehab center I was discharged from one year ago today. I sat in the same chair I sat in while waiting to be admitted. I was thrown into the biggest hug from my favorite nurse turned friend turned Auntie Cassie to my sweet baby, the nurse who changed my life. I talked with her for a while, and was quickly reminded of just how loved I am. She’s the one who told me to “fight for myself” and a constant reason behind why I am happy to be alive today. I went home and was loved on by my family who chose to love and forgive me even though I gave them every reason not to.
Today I was reminded of all the reasons I have fought so hard for myself this past year. It hasn’t been easy. It’s been painful and heartbreaking. But man, has it been worth it.
Fight For Yourself. Always.